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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - The truth about emotional intelligence
- There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it appears that people are suppressing their emotions and problems in an effort to "fit in," to keep their jobs, and using "positive self-talk" to muscle through the rough spots in their lives.Recently, I had a friend over who has suffered enormous job stress during a time when his wife's father was dying of cancer. Of cour...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Suicide in the church, part 3
- Suicide strikes...AGAIN!This may wind up being the most important article some have ever read. I hope it will not only help a few readers, but that it will open the eyes of others, aiding in their understanding, motivating them to help. I trust there will be those who will actually clip it, mailing it to someone for whom they are concerned, or posting it in the breakroom.I've written...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Suicide in the church part 2
- In a town the size of mine - about 16,000 - can a few suicides within a 90-day period be considered an epidemic? I'd say so. Quite a few Christians have contacted me since these tragedies have occurred, people struggling with the in's and out's of suicide and its effect on one's eternal reward, among other concerns. These included the wife of one of the recent suicide victims. As a certified Workp...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Suicide in the church part 1
- Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own hometown of about 16,000 people. The latest of these involved a friend of mine who was, among other things, the leader of a Christian Business Fellowship which I attend. He was a lawyer with a terrific wife, two young kids, very prominent in his church, coached little league baseball. As one can imagine, speculations abound - everything...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Angel of comfort... the story
- I am an Angel artist and several weeks ago while listening to the late night news, a news story came on that really touched my heart. On the way home in the wedding limo ... a drunk driver caused a horrible wreck, resulting in the loss of a child and the limo driver. This story stayed in my mind. A few days later, a woman emailed me requesting my help. She wanted to know if an Angel painting could...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Dealing with tragedies (the 9/11 tragedy)
- September 11, 2001, marked yet another significant turning point in world history. Whatever innocence was left in the world was lost on that fateful day.On lesser numeric scales, equally heinous crimes are committed against humanity virtually every day of the year.What is happening in the world? It is difficult to explain. Somehow the perpetrators of the most evil and disgusting crim...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Dying? not me! why you should plan for transition
- Remember the Eulogy projects we had to write back in High School? Death is a tough subject to broach, and many would rather deny death then embrace it. Someone once said, "...There are only two guarantees in life: Death and Taxes." How true is this phrase? It is normally when we are faced with the imminence of dying or death that we only begin making plans or arrangements for our transition....
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Online memorial ? a dedication of love for your departed loved ones
- Life has always been a journey, a journey of finding of one true self and happiness. As however destined, all journeys will eventually find its very own destination and it is inevitable that every one of us will eventually have to depart from this world.Many a times in our life, we have to experience the soreness of actually witnessing the departure of some of our very loved ones. With tear...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - We are the reflection of our lives: how to survive loss & humility
- Everyday, I look in the mirror to see the face staring back at me. Sometimes it is lined with stress, sorrow and grief. Other times, it simply smiles in humbled reservation. But the reflection of our lives... that, is who we are -- who we represent ourselves to be. For some, it is wearing hearts upon their sleeves; for others, their thoughts and words go unspoken forever.But what does havin...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Whens sarah coming home? helping your child understand death
- For most children, their first experience with grief comes with the death of a beloved family pet. When Zoe the eight-week old puppy dies of parvovirus or Tweety the budgie stops singing his morning song, a child experiences profound and lasting loss for the first time in their young lives.Children want and need to know about death, yet we are often reluctant - even squeamish - when talking...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - The twists and turns of life
- When I was born in 1962 I thought life was good. I had two parents, a twin sister, and an older brother. We lived in an apartment until my sister and I were eleven, and then we moved into a house. My brother was twenty-one years old so he moved onto his own apartment. I was the luckiest girl in the world.We were the normal family with chaos and the antics of being a family. I was blessed to...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - The walking wounded
- When my phone rang the other day, it was a call from one of the "walking wounded," not unlike many that I have received during the years I have been interacting with the bereaved. I have often spoken with people who are feeling much like this caller was.The gentleman's adult son had died in an accident, and when I innocently asked how old his son was, he bristled and told me the question of...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - The look of grief
- Never, since man has walked upright, have people all over the globe had more educational advantages or more opportunities to practice advanced social and interpersonal skills. And yet, for the most part, we still have not learned to look past the obvious, to see beyond the exterior shell of our fellow man, and to discover the worth of the real person.We seem consumed by the superficial. We ...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Miracles?
- If we were to organize a list of the thorniest problems for the bereaved, certainly somewhere near the top would be the question of miracles. Everybody has heard anecdotal stories of certain people who have suffered incredible, life-threatening injuries or illness, but who have somehow recovered against all odds. A woman who has been in a coma for two years suddenly hears her husband's voice and a...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - When the spirit leaves the body
- Do you spend most of your time inside or outside of your body? If you know what I'm talking about then I can almost certainly say that you have spent some time outside of your body.What does it even mean to "be outside" of one's body? Well, in order to appreciate what this means you must have an experience of your "Self" first and then you must be able to "feel" where that "Self" is geograp...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - The valley of sorrow or my life as a well digger
- It felt like I had been run over by a freight train. I was stunned. I was in shock. I was crying hysterically. But it was really just a phone call. My dad called and said he had to talk to my husband Jerry. I knew it was bad because Jerry hates to talk on the phone so no one ever asks for Jerry unless something bad is going on. I knew some elderly family members and friends were sick, so I thought...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Physiological consequences of carrying emotional trauma
- Although many of us carry some form of emotional trauma in our bodies, and therefore in our energy fields, do we ever really stop to question the impact that it is having on our overall health? If you are like most individuals you probably just want to forget its even there. The thought of revisiting it probably just makes you feel sick.The more corageous among you do try to do something ab...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - How long does it take to mend a broken heart?
- Julian Austin, Canadian country singer, released a song called Should Be Over You. He sings, How long does it take to mend a broken heart? After the heartache and tears, lonely and hurting, one night stands and drinking ain't working, and missing you has near killed me a time or two, then after that I should be over you."Austin's explanation of how long it takes to get over a broken heart r...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Then and now
- Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death and grief were popular subjects for poems, songs and stories. Grieving was considered a natural and acceptable part of the culture. People in mourning wore black clothing and/or black arm bands, women wore black veils, and it was common to see a black wreath on the door of the home of a bereaved family, announcing publicly that this was a...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Who has the worst pain
- During the 28 years I have been interacting with bereaved people, one of the most frequent questions I have been asked is, "Who has the worst pain?" Do bereaved parents suffer more than widows and widowers? Do children whose parents die feel more agony than children who lose a sibling? Is it harder to watch a loved one suffer for a long time before death releases the victim than it is to answer th...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Trial by fire - 9 tips for grieving couples
- You will often hear that grief and loss bring couples together, but it can actually do just the opposite. It is possible to emerge on the other side of grief with a closer marriage, but it does take work.Here are some tips adapted from the book "Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death" that can help your marriage survive the stress of los...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - What is an appropriate sympathy gift?
- When a friend or loved one is grieving, it is hard to know what to say or how to show your support. When you want to provide comfort and support and show your concern for a family member, a friend, or an associate, a personalized gift is always an ideal choice. The best gifts are those given and chosen from the heart. It says that you really care and have taken the time to think about the time aft...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Guilty, your honor: the burden of guilt after a suicide
- Guilty, Your Honor, I whisper.Have you ever done anything so horrible that you would prefer to hide in a dark closet for the rest of your life than have someone find out you did it? Have you ever done something so bad that even remembering what you did causes you to hyperventilate and shake?I have. I've made too many mistakes in my life. I should have done better.Sometimes I e...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - After suicide: returning to life, thanks to an owl
- Have you ever lost the ability to laugh? I did.When Arlyn died, I knew I would never laugh again. After all, my child had taken her own life; she had died by suicide.How could I really laugh, when I felt so empty? How could I let lose and laugh out loud, when I hurt so much?Oh, I've managed to smile sometimes, and the sound of quiet laughter has slipped out of my lips a few ti...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Adapting to the loss of a loved one: three tips on how to cope
- Have you ever sat down and played a piano where one of the keys wasn't working? Or made cookies and left out an ingredient? Perhaps you've started listening to a favorite CD, and just when it gets to your favorite part of your favorite song, you realize that there is a scratch in it.In some ways, losing a loved one is similar. Here you are going easily through life, and then, BAM, they are ...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Signs after suicide: the red butterfly
- Shortly after noon, I went into Arlyn's bedroom to get a few things to take with me. I was preparing to drive about three miles out into the country, to Woodhaven Road.I stood and gazed around her room for a few minutes; it was full of Arlyn, but it seemed so empty.I picked up a folder with some of the poems she had written. Her words. Her thoughts. Her feelings.I held it unde...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - When sorrow is too great to be borne alone, support groups reach out
- Not long after Arlyn died, my husband and I decided to attend a support group program run by the local Hospice organization. We felt lost, afraid, and alone, and we desperately needed to understand the emotional roller coaster we were on.So the night of the first support meeting, we drove 30 miles to the church where the meeting was held. The room we walked into had a single row of fold-up ...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - You have to show up: on small miracles (okay, maybe not so small)
- I hadn't intended to go to my cousin's funeral.That sounds terrible, I know. And if I had chosen to focus on the 18 year estrangement of various factions of my family from each other and my own 15 year estrangement from my uncles (hey, Greeks are a war-like people, what can I say?), I could have patted myself on the back for the fact that I had gone to the wake and let it go at that....
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Is death really the end or the window to a new beginning?
- Earlier this month I learned a dear friend had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She has been given less than six months to live as the cancer has fully permeated her liver and pancreas.Since the diagnosis, her health has rapidly declined and the hope of realizing several more months of life is quickly waning.The fear of death holds a mighty grip because what lies beyond our physi...
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- 2007-11-13 22:16:19 - Liberation
- It is one thing to be free; it is quite another to be liberated. Liberation implies that freedom was absent for a time, and there was bondage. Though it may seem like a dichotomy, grief has both the power to bind and the power to liberate from bondage.Initially, when a person we love dies, we are in the bondage of grief and it feels as if we will never recover-never be the same again. And w...
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