Motherdaughter dating relationships-stay in control
If you are a mother and your daughter is now old enough to start dating the rules have now changed. Her behavior will change and so must yours. You need to learn to stay in control of the situation from the start, do not let her think she can just go do whatever she wants without letting you know where she will be. You must set the new rules of the game to maintain a good mother/daughter dating relationship.
The first thing you should do to start off on the right foot to maintaining a good mother/daughter dating relationship is find a nice quiet moment when it is just you and your daughter and sit her down for a facts of life talk. No, not THE facts of life talk, hopefully you took care of that one already. I mean the talk where you basically set the new rules of the game and tell her what the consequences are if she fails to follow them to the letter.
These rules are non-negotiable. She may have some input in making them, however, the final say is always yours. She is going to feel like a grown-up, being able to date and everything, and will want to be treated as such. Fine, rules are, she can be treated like the adult she wants to be until and unless she shows you she is not ready to be the adult she thinks she is.
As part of this "contract", if the relationship lasts and the possibility arises that she may experiment with sex then she needs to be told about the consequences of that action, as well, and ways to prevent accidents from happening. If you do this with dignity and respect she will not be offended or embarrassed and the dialog will flow smoothly. If you choose to be a dictator then she will rebel and when the time comes and she is thinking about losing her virginity, she will not come to you and this is when those "accidents" can and will happen, grandma.
Open channels of communication are a must during this new time in both of your lives. Using therapeutic communication is important to make her see you are sincere and not just riding rough-shod over her and trying to control her. You are, but if you play it right she will never know that you are.
Say she wants you to extend her curfew, you can say that if she wants her curfew changed then it is up to her and if she can show you for two weeks she can come home on time then the curfew can be lengthened by 1/2 hour. Tell her that any changes get made on her showing you she can be the adult she thinks she is. If she messes up then tell her the curfew gets backed off 1/2 hour also. It is all up to her.
Ask her to invite the new boyfriend over for dinner so you can get to know him. Set a night during the week when he can come and spend time with the family. Do not overwhelm him with questions, just have a good time and learn what you can about him over time. If you decide along the way that he is not worthy of your daughter, keep it to yourself. She will see it in time and break up with him herself. Let her be the judge of his character. If you assert yourself here she will rebel and hold on to him with both hands just to spite your mother/daughter dating relationship.
TAGS: mother daughter dating relationships stay in control, dating daughter, dating
Article Source: Messaggiamo.Com
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